Fifty Shades of Grey is not for the faint of heart.
Some people refuse to read it. Others read it and want to burn the memory from their brains. Some use it as a manual to vamp up their sex life.
Whatever.
I have been trying to conjure up my own opinion of the book. Is it filth or fantastic?
From a writer's perspective E.L James is a freakin' genius.
Whether you loved the book or felt like you needed to shower after--it got the masses talking. As a writer, that is a great achievement. When you work on something that has the potential to only collect dust on a book rack, it is a pretty big deal when everybody has something to say about what you have written.
As far as the story line--eh. I mean sure it is heavily decorated in a sex fetish--but at the end of the day it's just a love story plus handcuffs and a riding crop.
Some Things to Consider:
If reading about sex makes you feel icky--not the book for you.
If you didn't like the first book--don't read the next two.
If you hated the series--don't watch the movie.
If you're embarrassed you read it and liked it--don't tell your mom.
If your mom read it and liked it--embrace her freak flag.
All in all--I thought it was alright. I admit--I have the cast in my head of who should play who in the upcoming film. Whatever. When the book gets banned I'll have rebel status.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Winona Ryder, condoms, and frosting.
I have been trying to write a blog for over an hour. Reed is at school, Keygen is napping, the T.V. is off--there are not distractions. Well, except my goldfish attention span that has been darting around unable to settle on a single thought. So..I thought it would be entertaining for you to read my thought process for writing a blog. My thoughts for the last hour:
Maybe I'll write a blog about sex.
Yeah..everybody has sex.
Okay, not everybody.
My grandma doesn't.
Ew. What if she does?
I'll ask her.
No, that's weird.
I'm going to ask her.
What if Reed gets embarrassed?
I won't talk about OUR sex life.
What if I did?
My mom reads this.
So? I'm a grown up.
Ugh. I can't do it.
Next.
I'll write about the time I thought I was a dog whisperer.
I am crazy.
What if I really am crazy.
Would I be Joan Crawford crazy or Winona Ryder in Girl Interrupted crazy?
Winona.
Didn't she shoplift?
Google.
Yup.
What's the world coming to?
Apocalypse.
I don't believe that.
Do I?
Nah.
It's bothering me I can't come up with anything..
I could write about my pet peeves.
Ugh. I have too many.
I hate the word "coupon."
I always clip coupons, but never use them.
It's like having a mini van. Sort of.
I'll never own a mini van.
Unless I have 5 kids.
Planned parenthood is where it's at.
Maybe I could write about condoms.
I had a kid in the middle of college--a planner? Yeah right.
A blog about---marshmallows or gummy bears.
I'll call it "Weird shit we don't know why we eat"
Really?
Jello is another one.
Stop.
I could write about my fear of being a starving writer.
I'm hungry.
I could make cupcakes.
I hate to bake.
I could just eat the frosting.
Focus!
This.Is. Going.Nowhere.
Frosting.
It just wasn't in me today.
Monday, September 10, 2012
A Political Blog----Uh oh!
Ok--so I'm sorry for joining the masses about the nationwide political freak-out, but because of some recent events, I feel it is necessary to post about an issue that I have personally been through and seen others close to me go through.
As the election approaches, everybody is on edge. No matter what your political affiliation is, there is a weight in the air that makes people nervous about our country's future. No matter which side of the fence you are one, you certainly have an opinion about the politics whether it is liberal, conservative, moderate or simply sure that the government is one big crock.
Either way, we have all sort of gone on the defense about where we stand politically. I just want to take a moment to bring everybody down for a minute. Just a minute. Because once our political beliefs turn us into hate-spewing two-headed monsters, we need a reality check.
I am a flaming liberal. It's true. I believe in the welfare system. I believe in people paying their fair share in taxes. I am pro-choice. I believe ingay human rights. I believe that there is absolutely no reason that one single person in our country should have to worry about receiving healthcare...ever. I also think that religion has no place in politics.
My belief system and perception of the world have been created just as yours have--by the experiences I have lived through. It takes all kinds of people to make this world go around and you can't be so far on one side of things that you can't see the other. While it may be easy for all of us to group people by political party and then belittle , name-call, and stereotype--we have to remember that we are not political parties. We are people. We all want the same things. We want our children to grow up happy and healthy. We want to provide a stable life for our family. We want to have a small piece of the American dream. We just have a different way of getting there.
I get it, politics can be overwhelmingly dividing--and it's not that easy to sit around holding hands and singing kumbaya (Uh, you really thought I was going to write this entire thing without being all...liberal) when someone on Facebook posts something that pisses you off so bad you want to argue with them for an hour in a public showdown of who did the best job fact-checking (And let's face it..none of us are Bill Clinton), this leads to an ugly side of human nature. A side that has to be right at the expense of friendships and sometimes even family.
But you know, the truth is, we need to just get over the fact that we can't change people to suit the world that we have created for ourselves. I'm not saying you can't be proud of your affiliation, but when people resort to name-calling and truly believing that they are the only person in the world with any common sense, this no longer is a political issue, but a human one.
As the election approaches, everybody is on edge. No matter what your political affiliation is, there is a weight in the air that makes people nervous about our country's future. No matter which side of the fence you are one, you certainly have an opinion about the politics whether it is liberal, conservative, moderate or simply sure that the government is one big crock.
Either way, we have all sort of gone on the defense about where we stand politically. I just want to take a moment to bring everybody down for a minute. Just a minute. Because once our political beliefs turn us into hate-spewing two-headed monsters, we need a reality check.
I am a flaming liberal. It's true. I believe in the welfare system. I believe in people paying their fair share in taxes. I am pro-choice. I believe in
My belief system and perception of the world have been created just as yours have--by the experiences I have lived through. It takes all kinds of people to make this world go around and you can't be so far on one side of things that you can't see the other. While it may be easy for all of us to group people by political party and then belittle , name-call, and stereotype--we have to remember that we are not political parties. We are people. We all want the same things. We want our children to grow up happy and healthy. We want to provide a stable life for our family. We want to have a small piece of the American dream. We just have a different way of getting there.
I get it, politics can be overwhelmingly dividing--and it's not that easy to sit around holding hands and singing kumbaya (Uh, you really thought I was going to write this entire thing without being all...liberal) when someone on Facebook posts something that pisses you off so bad you want to argue with them for an hour in a public showdown of who did the best job fact-checking (And let's face it..none of us are Bill Clinton), this leads to an ugly side of human nature. A side that has to be right at the expense of friendships and sometimes even family.
But you know, the truth is, we need to just get over the fact that we can't change people to suit the world that we have created for ourselves. I'm not saying you can't be proud of your affiliation, but when people resort to name-calling and truly believing that they are the only person in the world with any common sense, this no longer is a political issue, but a human one.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Women At War With Women
Women At War With Women
This is an insightful look at the approach to women's issues with their body.
This is an insightful look at the approach to women's issues with their body.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
The 98%
Twenty-three is too young for a biopsy, I think.
I guess everybody feels they aren't ready to have their private parts exposed to the world (ok, a radiologist, an ultrasound tech, and student who was probably more nervous than I was). But really, it is more than that. I don't feel ready to be tested for cancer.
Cancer.
I hate how that word sounds. I hate how it feels to type it. It feels like something with teeth. No, I'm not ready for that. But, who is?
At first, I cried. Probably too dramatic for this entire situation. 2% chance is what we are looking at. Just a 2% chance of having that word manifesting in my body. But, when you have a number with something, it becomes more real.
So, after the radiologist urged me to do further testing (aka biospy) I sat on Keygen's bed and looked around his room. I thought silly thoughts like how I was sure the fish would die if I wasn't around. Ok, so I know Cheetah died while I was around, but that was a total fluke.
And then there is Keygen. He hasn't even grown a mustache yet. And who is going to remind him to never wear black socks with brown shoes? Who is going to kiss him until he says "No more kisses momma!" Who is going to let him sleep in the middle more times than he ought to? Who else is going to let him have popcorn for breakfast?
And then there is Reed. Not just any girl would let him bake better than her. And I don't think he would know what to do if I wasn't around to hog the entire bed. I like to hold his hand and the way that he smiles, and I'm just not ready for that to end.
So after thinking about all of those things, I started to cry. Life just got much more real. I am used to bad things happening. I know that the bad days are supposed to remind us to really cherish the good ones, but, even I can't always be practical. It was after my face became all red and splotchy that my sweet boy Keygen came in and said "Momma, don't cry. I'll get you a tissue."
I had an entire week from being told I needed to have a biopsy to actually having one. It was a rollercoaster for me. I had days I was very sensible and knew that I had nothing to worry about. Then, I had days that I hated my body for even THINKING about being sick. I just don't have time for this. I just don't.
After meeting with the surgeon, I felt better. He seemed unalarmed. So two days before the biopsy I found peace with the process.
On the day of the biopsy I felt more uncomfortable about the embarassment of it all. I just focused on that. I focused on the humiliation of exposing myself to strangers in order to not think about why I was doing it.
In the waiting room, I was on edge. I snapped at poor Reed and he just stayed quiet. He understood. He always does. Keygen was busy, as usual. No matter how much your life feels out of control, there is nothing like a 2 year old to remind you that some aspects are always the same.
When I finally got called back which only took 15 minutes but seemed like 15 years, the tech who came to get me was a young man. I had imagined him to be a her. *Sigh*
I'll spare you the details--but will say this--that needle was more like a meat thermometer. Luckily, I felt nothing and the entire process took less than an hour from check-in until check-out. Everybody in the room with me was very friendly. Too bad we couldn't have met under different circumstances. I think we could have all been on a bowling league together.
There is no happy ending--yet. We will know on Tuesday. So for now, I am trying to not think about the 2% and take comfort in being the 98%. After all, I have NEVER been THAT (un)lucky.
I guess everybody feels they aren't ready to have their private parts exposed to the world (ok, a radiologist, an ultrasound tech, and student who was probably more nervous than I was). But really, it is more than that. I don't feel ready to be tested for cancer.
Cancer.
I hate how that word sounds. I hate how it feels to type it. It feels like something with teeth. No, I'm not ready for that. But, who is?
At first, I cried. Probably too dramatic for this entire situation. 2% chance is what we are looking at. Just a 2% chance of having that word manifesting in my body. But, when you have a number with something, it becomes more real.
So, after the radiologist urged me to do further testing (aka biospy) I sat on Keygen's bed and looked around his room. I thought silly thoughts like how I was sure the fish would die if I wasn't around. Ok, so I know Cheetah died while I was around, but that was a total fluke.
And then there is Keygen. He hasn't even grown a mustache yet. And who is going to remind him to never wear black socks with brown shoes? Who is going to kiss him until he says "No more kisses momma!" Who is going to let him sleep in the middle more times than he ought to? Who else is going to let him have popcorn for breakfast?
And then there is Reed. Not just any girl would let him bake better than her. And I don't think he would know what to do if I wasn't around to hog the entire bed. I like to hold his hand and the way that he smiles, and I'm just not ready for that to end.
So after thinking about all of those things, I started to cry. Life just got much more real. I am used to bad things happening. I know that the bad days are supposed to remind us to really cherish the good ones, but, even I can't always be practical. It was after my face became all red and splotchy that my sweet boy Keygen came in and said "Momma, don't cry. I'll get you a tissue."
I had an entire week from being told I needed to have a biopsy to actually having one. It was a rollercoaster for me. I had days I was very sensible and knew that I had nothing to worry about. Then, I had days that I hated my body for even THINKING about being sick. I just don't have time for this. I just don't.
After meeting with the surgeon, I felt better. He seemed unalarmed. So two days before the biopsy I found peace with the process.
On the day of the biopsy I felt more uncomfortable about the embarassment of it all. I just focused on that. I focused on the humiliation of exposing myself to strangers in order to not think about why I was doing it.
In the waiting room, I was on edge. I snapped at poor Reed and he just stayed quiet. He understood. He always does. Keygen was busy, as usual. No matter how much your life feels out of control, there is nothing like a 2 year old to remind you that some aspects are always the same.
When I finally got called back which only took 15 minutes but seemed like 15 years, the tech who came to get me was a young man. I had imagined him to be a her. *Sigh*
I'll spare you the details--but will say this--that needle was more like a meat thermometer. Luckily, I felt nothing and the entire process took less than an hour from check-in until check-out. Everybody in the room with me was very friendly. Too bad we couldn't have met under different circumstances. I think we could have all been on a bowling league together.
There is no happy ending--yet. We will know on Tuesday. So for now, I am trying to not think about the 2% and take comfort in being the 98%. After all, I have NEVER been THAT (un)lucky.
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